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Alberta (UAP)- What began as a normal round of curling went horribly wrong today when a team of eight skeet shooters charged the International Curling Championship rink and opened fire on the curlers. The skeet shooters, identified only by the "Anti-Curling League" jackets they had on, somehow made it onto the ice, took out their rifles, and shot at the curlers. Seven of the twelve curlers were killed and four more were injured immediately.
In an odd twist of fate, one of the remaining curlers escaped the melee and went into the "Fox-Track Sensor" room. He fiddled with a few knobs and a vast array of weaponry came out of the curling stone, which then apparently began to move on its own accord. Panicking, the skeet shooters tried to escape but were mowed down by the relentless gunfire emanating from the stone.
Ironically, the stone went out of control and mauled the previously uninjured curler, who had come back onto the ice exclaiming whoops of joy along with the 215 audience members. It was later discovered that some demented Lilliputians were behind the whole incident - bribing the skeet shooters to storm the ring (after telling one of the curlers of the plot and of the weapon controls) and getting into the curling stone via a small trap door, and controlling/ firing from the stone. This amounted to a deadly double-cross that left eleven dead and five injured.
The Lilliputians were found and arrested, but managed escaped on an
old hippie name Reginald. All are still at large.
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