Mosquitoes Possess Amazing Technology, Scientists
Say
BOSTON (UP) - Scientists believe they have found the answer to
one of the most baffling mysteries on earth: how mosquitoes enter buildings
even when all conceivable entrances are closed. "It's really
quite simple," says Richard Apples, head of research at the Institute for
Solving Really Big Problems. "The bugs have amazingly sophisticated
teleportation systems built into their wings. I guess Mother Nature
really does want us to go to die slow and painful deaths."
The research was conducted on several mosquitoes
using simple light microscopes. "No one every wanted to study them
before," commented Apples, "they're too darn evil."
In addition to the teleportation technology,
the scientists believe that the mosquitoes possess a method of travel similar
to the hyperdrive technology of the Star Wars movies. "Basically,
we're [screwed]," a paranoid and baffled scientist speaking on the condition
of anonymity said. The scientists now theorize that there are only
several thousand mosquitoes on earth, but move so quickly that they can
be anywhere on earth at any given time, making it appear as though there
are billions.
Additional research is now being conducted
on rats and other annoying pests to see if they possess any similar technology.
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