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1) We will get the funds needed from our parents and working at the corner 7-11.
2) With those funds gathered we will buy all of the stock in Cuba's companies, effectively controlling Cuba and its economy.
3) We with the new money we have, ($47.51, food stamps, and 3.5 oz. of pocket lint) will make a deal with Somalia, winning them over with Fidel Castro (basted in a white wine sauce).
4) Using our newly gained forces, we (the power-hungry triumvirate) and they (the simply hungry populace) will paradrop into Canada (using defused nukes and model rocket engines, also mom's good sheets as parachutes) and take the capital by force from those hockey-loving, low population, free health-care, French-speakin', ear-flap hat wearin', duct tape using, plaid and flannel-lovin' Canucks!!
5) We'll also take over India.
6) Using the funds gained from those..... Canadians, we will buy beer for everyone, two F-117A Nighthawks, two AH-64D Longbow Apaches, 2 dozen Mossberg United Turkey Federation Camo 12-gauge autoshotguns, an old Mauser rifle, three real fat Somalian bastards, and 400 galvanized sporks. (because Chris wants it, an M-203 (M-16A2 Colt with an attached 40-mm grenade launcher) and two barrel clips with 1600 rounds *shrugs*)
7) Uh, the IRA will also work for us.
8) Monica Lewinsky will act as our infiltration/espionage scout/ho.
9) Using the Damned Canuck Mounted Guard, we will invade Russia aka "Real big worthless country" to get "watka" from "Moskov". (ask Chris again)
10) Using all that crappy brown coal Russia has as well as old iron railroad tracks and large chunks of permafrost, we shall play the worst game of baseball ever known and instantly gain the favor of 4 major world powers.
11) France, Spain, Switzerland, and Hong Kong will go quietly.
12) Chris makes a deal with the Aussie bushmen. They are quietly distributed to every high-class home in London, where they hide in the vents and play didgeridoos until the priggish English snobs go insane and stab themselves to death with bad hats.
13) In an uncharacteristic show of force, I lead the ...... Canadians into the Foster's beer factory (Fosters *is* actually Australian for beer). The Australians are forced to surrender.
14) The peasants rejoice (yay)
15) Bob Dole commits hari-kiri.
15.5) But he lives.
15.75) Then we shoot him.
15.8) But it hits him in the arm.
15.85) But he dies anyway.
15.9) ....later.
16) Mongolia is nuked.
17) We say, "Consider yourselves nuked."
18) On Air Force Soixante-Neuf, Chris, Ben, and I look over Jamaica. Everyone knows that all Jamaicans (except for that psycho in Predator 2. Heh-heh, he took that naked man's soul.) love everyone. Plus, they have those cursed steel drums, which the Somalians can't pass without getting jiggy wit it.
19) We nuke Jamaica, too.
20) After taking the steel drums at Chris's insistence.
21) America and Japan do something about this.
21.5) But their alliance falls apart due to conflicting Walkman technology.
22) Bill Gates is creamed by a bully from high school.
23) Chris shaves Bill Gates's head (he is quoted as saying, "I don't like [his] hair.")
24) Mo-fos unite and stop the Somalian army in its tracks "like a sonofabitch", I say.
25) We bean the mo-fos with the steel drums.
26) A unique tone is produced and the mo-fos are declared endangered species.
27) We amend the Constitution, but catch yardsticks across the knuckles for "messing with it.", Mom says.
28) At this, Wyoming and northern Kansas revolt.
29) We're grounded.
30) Once again, the U.S. prevails. They acquire all the territory we took, and Mom decides to be lenient and just takes away computer privileges for a week. (she sticks by it for a record 4 hours)
There it is. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much we enjoyed writing it.
E-mail Ben at Bharrett@hotmail.com